What’s in your prayer?
How would you describe your prayer life? Strong and continuous or splotchy and sporadic? Do you struggle with it becoming a one ended conversation where you do all the talking?
If you’re like me, it depends on the season. Sometimes my talks with God seem like an ongoing conversation throughout my day. I love the steadiness of my emotions when I include God in the moments of the day and feel encouraged by Him. But sometimes life’s mishaps cause me to shift gears. As plans fall apart and people frustrate me, the content of my conversation with God evolves. I begin to mutter words from my ego such as “If and then God,” versus words from my heart like, “even if, God.”
These are some of the words we find Jacob from the Bible saying to God as he travels a lonely road. Jacob’s actions were not ones to be proud of; slick Willie in a used car lot selling a lemon could be etched in for description. Jacob had deceived his big, burly brother Esau, tricked his father to gain his inheritance, and made a mess of the family home. Greed, control and lies were across his shoulders and now he was being told to get out of town before he became chop suey for Esau.
Genesis 28 shows God lovingly pursuing Jacob in a dream as he walks a shameful road away from home. As Jacob sleeps, God gives clear promises to him, “Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go.” The promises to protect and guide Jacob on his uncertain path are generously given. Yet, Jacob’s choice of words back to God are interesting. Jacob bargains with God in verse 20 as he replies, “IF God will be with me and watch over me…..THEN the Lord will be my God…” Good grief Jacob, did you not hear God’s specific words in your dream?! Words of protection, trust and love!
But, before we raise another brow at Jacob’s shallow verbiage, can we examine our own communication with God? So often I find myself bargaining with Him to work on my terms. “If You could just make this person act right, then I could encourage them more,” or “If You could just slow down my schedule, then I would read my Bible more.” My opinion begins to override the promises and commands of God. God doesn’t want a bargain, He wants our hearts to trust Him with His commands.
The amazing thing about God is He already knows our fickle minds. He knows the desires of our heart, yet He relentlessly pursues us as we see Him doing with Jacob. God knew Jacob’s heart fumbled over lack of trust and intimacy with His Creator, but spoke affirming words to him throughout his journey.
Jacob’s struggle reveals a growing interest for God’s plan, stubborn entitlement and independence.
Jacob and I share similar thoughts; my love for the Lord and desire to absorb His promises collide with my intentions to gain selfish desires through prayer. But, the beautiful part about God is He meets us where we are, even on a shameful road. Being honest with God about our thoughts and hearts is exactly where He wants us because that’s where He affirms who He is and growth occurs. Our ‘If and then,’ mindset then eases a bit closer to an ‘even if’ relationship as we trust who He says He is; the One who is forever with us and will keep us wherever we go.
So, go ahead, examine that prayer life. God knows where you stand. Trust His loving arms and ask Him to guide you to a deeper trust in His plan.
