“A New Approach”
“Mooooom, it’s my turn to pick a movie and she won’t give me the remote.”
“Mooooom, she’s in my room and I want her out!”
“Mooooom, she won’t let me have a turn!”
“Mom, Mom, Moooooooom!!!!”
I had heard the whiney stretch in my name one too many times. The girls were constantly bickering, and my job had somehow changed from a dental hygienist to a referee. My nerves were over it and I was running out of patience! Before I knew it, I was yelling at them for yelling at each other! Great approach, right?...
As I complained to them about being their referee, a thought hit me upside the head, “your approach is rooted in anger, go with gratitude instead.” Maybe it was something I read, maybe it was God, I don’t know, but I understood the message.
I switched gears immediately and offered a game to the girls. Bouncing around like wild hyenas they eagerly awaited the details of this new game. “Tell your sister something you think is special about her then we will switch and have her tell you something different about you.”
Crickets and bug eyes…. that’s all I got…. “Ughh, I thought you said we were playing a game?!”
Reluctantly obeying, both girls muttered responses that grew into giggles, that developed into heartfelt words, that blossomed into “Mom, can we keep playing this game?!”
Boom, drop the mic, feeling like parent of the year right now! Just kidding, believe me, I knew this victory could be short lived. Yet, I felt I had learned something monumental.
Sometimes I feel the only way to deal with the frustrating matter is to get above it or become louder than their voices, but in return it doesn’t seem to deal with the root of the matter.
Shifting my focus and returning my perspective to the heart of the matter feels wiser.
No need for motherhood to experience whining and complaining. Unfortunately, negativity is everywhere. The familiar phrase, “Kill ‘em with kindness,” is not meant to be acted out with shallow remarks and a contrary heart. It expounds from a heart rooted in gratefulness that overflows kindness. Everything begins with the heart.
One of the main jobs as a parent, and a follower of Christ, is to look beyond the problem at hand and consider where the root is that lies within.
Constant complaints? Consider a prayer for contentment that comes only from Jesus.
Constant wants and desires? Consider a prayer for fulfillment through Jesus’ gift of love.
Constant ungratefulness? Consider a prayer for thankfulness that overflows from what Jesus offers.
Look beyond the surface and consider a fresh perspective.
I have no doubt my refereeing days are not over. But, I am confident my Heavenly Father will continue to guide me as I guide them and those around me; I simply must allow Him to be the coach.
