“Purpose in Parenting”
I still remember the excitement I felt when the ultrasound tech revealed our second child would be another girl. I grew up with brothers, so the thought of braiding hair, nail painting and chick flicks became everything I wanted! But the phrase, “the days are long and the years are short,” has never been a truer statement because with their older ages upon us, also came their opposite personalities.
The oldest is textbook type A, organized, responsible and cautious. The youngest flies by the seat of her pants, makes witty comments in the heat of the moment, and declares her brain is too tired to do homework. Managing their strengths and weaknesses always keeps us on our toes, but navigating through sibling rivalry has become quite the challenge.
As the girls would bicker and smack one another, it felt exhausting commanding them to stop. One would whine, “she hit me” while the other would rebuttal, “well she was being mean.” As I refereed them almost daily on this matter, two overarching messages began to take root in my heart, ‘you hurt me, so I will hurt you back’ and ‘when you hurt me, I react to you.’
These underlying messages helped me see the root of this issue and a broader message. It was beyond “stop fighting,” or “you should be nice to your sister;” it became a deeper look at the habits they were forming in relationships. Today’s world is filled with hurt, emotionally driven reactions and often, revenge.
The Golden Rule has become like a ball being tossed between two opponents. With this new insight, I stopped the game. I began to say, “if your sister hits you and you hit her back, the last one that hit will answer to me first.” I began to explain, “the last one that responded in an ugly way chose to ‘react’ in an unhealthy way and chose revenge.” Our girls are learning that pain in this world will be inevitable, and unfortunately a lot of this pain will stem from people. Yet, when this happens, what becomes important is how we react. Acquiring self-control in our responses is what builds wisdom and character. Grasping our emotions in the moment and sorting through our thoughts teaches us not to make decisions based off feelings.
Seeing this frustrating cycle from a different angle gave my job as a parental referee more drive. Guiding children to make better decisions can be downright exhausting, but when we step back and look at the root of the matter, we may find a deeper message to approach. I often ask God, “reveal my daughter’s weaknesses so I can memorize and apply scripture for them and also show me their strengths so I can encourage and cultivate them.” Proverbs 17: 28 comes to mind often, for me and our family,” Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues.”
Discernment, a quality of being able to grasp what is obscure; what a great quality to obtain in today’s world. A hidden message within our world is “you hurt me, so I will hurt you back,” or a trendier term would be the word, ‘karma.’
Take time in prayer to seek an alternative message, God’s message. Teach others to stand on His Word; one that reaps patience, discernment, knowledge, and wisdom. Parenting will always be challenging, but finding purpose in the process will equip us to keep pressing forward.
Check out this week’s video by Ellie Holcomb and Need to Breathe!
